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The Arm Job

July 2, 2013
squirrel man

Hey wuz up toothless Jim!!!

You ever notice some people down South love to make arm gestures outta their driver’s side windows? This is typically a weird motion that attempts to molest the air or caress the air if you’re a glass half full kinda person, while the vehicle is in motion. The majestic arm job motion only occurs in trucks or in cars that are no longer made…think of a Pontiac Bonneville with duct tape tail lights! When you pass these creatures of the day, prepare to be fooled. You may think that these people are trying to warn you of impending danger ahead on the road. You may ponder for a moment that the poor soul in the truck is on fire and they’re attempting to put out the flame. You may even fear that the driver has unleashed a fart from the pits of hell and they too have been consumed by its fury.
But…..
You would be wrong!
These folks are just living in a dream world, pretending that they are a bird, like the whore Jenny from Forrest Gump. They fantasize that their arms are mighty sails on a pirate ship full of rum and Mountain Dew. In any case, these people get on my damn nerves. Please attempt to act and drive like a normal person and not a freak who has kite arms. I cannot stand when these slow driving rednecks have nothing better to do than listen to Kid Rock going 22 mph, while giving the imaginary air man a hand job. Keep your arms, ass, fake leg, mullet wig, and shit kicker hat in your hoopty at all times. This message has been brought to you by the concerned shit-head that pays attention to these things:) That Is The Word!!!

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From → You Ever Notice?

One Comment
  1. They do that in the Midwest too. It is bizarre. I personally keep my hands in my car because people are shitty drivers and I live in the road rage capital of ‘Murica. I think someone else got killed last week for some road rage incident, and I have the state troopers on my phone for that exact reason. The last thing I need is some crazy person seeing that any portion of my person is outside the car. Hell no.

    Anyway, there is a guy who lives somewhere in my half of the county. He has a mullet, he drives a white pickup truck where he has written Bible verses in a sharpie, and he rigged up some sort of flagpole in the bed where he flies… you guessed it! A giant fucking confederate flag because THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!! And yes, 22 MPH the whole way. Actually, maybe he went to jail. I haven’t seen him for a while and he used to stalk girls at my old job. Fun times.

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