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Slow Your Roll

May 28, 2013
Motor Man

It’s cool these dudes are just friends, who love to RIDE;)

Is it just me or does every d-bag that rides bike/crotch rocket have a death wish? These dudes go 100 mph and love nothing more than to get 6 inches from your bumper  and drive on your blind spot. With the majority of drivers playing Angry Birds or checking out the Adult Friend Finder app on their smart phones while driving, this shit is beyond crazy. I love how they give you the “Go To Hell Stare” and the stink eye as they zoom past your non turbo Fords Escape…lol. Yeah buddy, you show these slow, law-abiding citizens how Vin Deisel does it. I to live my life a quarter-mile at the time and for those 10 seconds or less, I am free. I get it, you wanna go fast and hear the Dyson vacuum engine roar to life with your vintage Ruff Riders motorcycle jacket on like you’re a damn extra in the new DMX video, because you think it makes you look bad ass. You know what is bad ass? Breathing without an imprint of a Volkswagen symbol across your shattered hip. So slow your damn roll!

The second d-bag that I have beef with, I came across at the local mall this weekend. I don’t frequent the mall often because I don’t like getting chased with free samples of Justin Bieber’s new smell “Snatch” by the old bat in the perfume section. I hate having to walk behind these deuce and a halves as they migrate from store to store eating a choc o chip cookie the size of a pizza. Or the way the Foot Locker guy talks to me like we have been friends since high school “You want some new J’s dawg?” Actually I was just looking for an aluminum bat, so I could tear some shit up! Maybe it’s the awkward feeling of getting older and seeing  a group of mass pre-teenagers dressed like Lady Gaga’s circus side-kicks that just freak me out. Maybe it’s the way that I am poked and prodded to sign up for the company cards so I can save 10 percent on a future purchase and get a coup for a free blow job from the Dipping Dots chick.

Anyways…what was I saying?

Ahh yes, back to the original d-bag trespass that set me off. I was on the escalator and this dude literally passes me to walk up the steps. WHAT THE HELL! I mean it’s a damn escalator, we are all going to the same place, so chill out and enjoy the ride. There is not a super Memorial Day sale on men’s Spanx…so check your shit;) If you were being chased by The Terminator than you may get a pass, but hauling ass to get to the 90 buck Polo Men’s section is just silly. I have never even had a reason to pass anyone on an escalator unless it was closed and the person in front of me had collapsed. So slow your roll and never pass another man on an escalator unless your prepared to catch a Macho Man elbow from the top rope…that is The Word!

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2 Comments
  1. HA! I disagree with you about the escalator though–this isn’t Six Flags, and it’s not a ride!

    • I can handle getting passed don’t get me wrong, maybe all the single guys could use this approach for the casual ass brush tactic with the ladies. The ole I gotta get through so I had to accidently brush your ass with my junk move;) Thanks for the comment and I read your blog everyday via e-mail !

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