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Man Law #32

April 1, 2013

urinals

Happy Opening Day! I am a huge baseball fan, so today is like New Years for me. However, tonight is not all about fun and games. I am here with a MAN LAW reminder for all my fellow brothers in arms. It seems many of you have been breaking the toilet rule these days, I am calling you out!

What is the toilet rule?

For the answer, let me consult the Man Law bible that I keep next to a vintage copy of the Playboy with Sabel. If your over 30, you get that joke!

Man Law #32 (Toilet Rule) By definition, when a man goes into the bathroom  by himself and there are more than two urinals/stalls….NEVER TAKE THE MIDDLE ONE.

It’s really damn simple!!!!!

The only reason you should ever take the middle urinal is if the other two are occupied. If you by choice take the middle urinal, I will assume you are attempting to “meat gaze”. Meat gazing is the ancient practice of sizing up the other guy….I don’t take the middle urinal by choice hence this post;) Some of you guys do and this is what I assume your attempting to do to your fellow-man. Here are some other bathroom tips for all the d-bags that violate the bathroom man laws.

  1. Don’t let your GD shoe/foot touch mine, tighten up that horse stance Friendo!
  2. Don’t piss all over the place.
  3. Flush the damn toilet.
  4. Don’t whistle…I will assume your are a child molester on a brief break and then I get nervous and may piss on your foot as a defense mechanism.
  5. Don’t talk about your piss or how good it feels to piss…lotta dudes break this one.
  6. Don’t meat gaze…simple and it could save you a beat down
  7. When you wash your hands NEVER give your paws a blow job. That machine that blows hot air only needs to be used once, not twice! More than once is considered a blow job(Man Law # 226)
  8. Never act like your about to fall asleep, it should not be that relaxing.
  9. Never make extreme noises. If it hurts to piss see a doctor. If you feel like your busting a nut, while pissing…see a doctor.
  10. Leave the handicap accommodations for the handicapped.
  11. Follow The Man Laws….That is The Word!

 

 

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From → DR.Mike

3 Comments
  1. Mike: I was standing looking out of a bay window on the second floor of a building, in the gym, and very nearly peed out the window (and I’m a girl!) because I was laughing so hard!

    At my old workplace, a coworker said that in the men’s room, there was a sort of a poem written by a guy who signed himself off as “Batallas” (Battles). And there were different things written all over the walls. And this same guy said he saw someone who was still standing there from the moment he walked in till the moment he walked out, basically beating off. I urged him to tell us who is was so that all us ladies could stay the hell away from him.

    Ahh…the things that go on in the men’s room! Who knew?

    • I often find safe harbor and brotherhood in the men’s room but it can be a scary place. A place where you feel at your most vulnerable, if I catch a dude hawking the goods…we have problems;) I hope all is well the weather is getting nice…you ready for summer? Cold beers and scenic sunsets is not a bad way to waste away.

      • 82 degrees, dude. And climbing. And the funny thing is, I now have to program my drink because I’ve gotten to the point where I hate having to wake up late because my dumb ass couldn’t control my intake. So I’ve wheedled it down to just one or two. Scenic sunsets…now that’s something I can do without remorse.

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