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False Alarm

January 29, 2013

Quick question, who in the hell has not had a security alarm go off on them at a store? If you have not, consider yourself amongst the minority. We have all been there, you go to Target and buy some razors,batteries,cd, dvd,or even detergent and the damn alarm goes off on you. Happens all the time, it’s no big deal right.

I saw a lady the other day get caught in the alarm trap. She freaked out like the alarm was a damn roadside bomb that just exploded.  I swear, I really thought this lady was going to shit her pants with fear. She looked around like she was about to get gang tackled by security. She must have thought, that Ray Lewis would emerge and proceed to tackle the shit outta her. She immediately held up the nearest piece of paper in a feeble attempt to prove her innocence. This woman then raised her receipt up, like she found Mr. Wonka’s last golden ticket. Then all the other customers, proceeded to give her the stink eye, as if she were a convicted sex offender at Toys R Us.

You know what would be classic? If we all immediately pointed at the women, raised our hands and said, “Lady please, just put the bag down. PLEASE you don’t want to do this”. Once the security dude walked over she immediately said, ” I don’t know what happened it just went off”. I reserve that sentence for Chuck Norris porno movies exclusively. That being said, In my mind, I was like don’t freak out really it’s ok. I can pretty much tell you did not steal anything, you wanna know how? Because your ass is still standing around like a statue. In my limited life experience, most crooks don’t just stand around and wait for the mall cops to show up. If you ever find yourself in this situation, please be cool! If you cannot be cool, then I suppose just repeat the entire three little Fonzies speech in Pulp Fiction.




From → You Ever Notice?

  1. Typically, if I know I didn’t steal anything, I’ll just walk out. Those things are broken half of the time anyway and the employees aren’t paid enough to give a shit about shoplifting. The only time I’ll actually go over to an associate is when I have clothing, and I’m worried they left one of those damn security tags on there.

  2. This is my favorite post you’ve put up, very funny. I’ve seen this happen numerous times from working at Kmart.

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