Did I Shave My Back For This?
To all the ladies of the world out there, I have a question? When did it become the social norm that in order to be sexy, a man must not have any body hair whatsoever? I see countless dudes on TV and men at the gym who must be ashamed to have body hair, and it makes me damn sad.
Ladies of the world, you need to learn to deal with the fact that men have body hair, and not every guy should look like a pube-less Bieber mannequin. The media and the Twilight movies have just ruined it for every hairy man in America. It has become gross to have chest hair. Men have been forced to become decidedly more feminine as the years have passed. To be socially accepted, a man must now have a manicure and pedicure on a routine basis. Men are drinking bitch juice drinks at the bars at an alarming rate in this country as proven by the recent Mike Ballenger study. Men are leaving behind Rock N Roll and embracing bands like Maroon 5 and Fun. Fashion dictates that men need to have a size 28 waist and wear their jeans at asshole level to be sexy. Men are shunned for owning muscle cars or motorcycles. Now you need a Hybrid scooter, just to be popular. Society encourages men to have a bird chest and pasty white skin and wear beanie hats year damn round! Some dudes are now shaving their arms and legs like they’re in a damn Silk shaving cream commercial, and it makes me sick. Then they turn around and tan their ass to a nice golden tone. I have never been to a tanning bed but have often wondered, do you have to tan your manhood? Being tanned as hell and having a pasty white member would just make me feel like Michal Jackson for some reason. I guess that would be good for freaking ladies the hell out:)I have also seen dudes that shave their hands. For the record, I have no idea what this is all about. I suppose shaved hands are good for absorbing body lotion and help with avoiding leather wristlets burn. Also, I cannot imagine the amount of time all this shit takes. Last but not least, no man should ever bleach his asshole, unless he is in the porn business( Man Law #231).
I am not saying don’t practice good hygiene. You should totally do that by all means. Man-scape the pubes and keep the problem areas trimmed. Wear clothes that make you comfortable in your own hairy skin. If you don’t want to wear nine layers of clothes just tolook like a Glee cast member…DON’T!
WE ARE MEN DAMMIT! A sad fact that a few of you have lost sight of.
So right now! Get off your ass!
Make your way to DVD collection and watch Smokey and The Bandit, grow a power stach, watch porn, drink a craft beer, cuss, listen to ACDC, have sex with the lights on, throw away your “leg” razor, watch NFL Classic, and buy some Old Spice. If you have jeans that are not blue…toss them, buy some scotch, and for f*ck sake stop using a flat iron on your hair.
MAN THE HELL UP!
THAT IS THE WORD;)