Monopoly is maybe the greatest war game of all time. When I typically play Monopoly every couple of years, I turn into the biggest asshole business mogul in the world. My friends and family never want to lace up with me, because when I play Monoploy…the game will be intense. The game will also take 4 hours and my opponents generally will be mocked and shamed. Long gone are the playful days of bartering for Boardwalk and Park Place. I tend to bury the competition with slum lord tactics. I will Baltic and Oriental your ass into a merciful submission;) The cheap properties may not be the prettiest on the board, but the do put out! When you are over 30, really anything that puts out is generally a good thing. Can someone please tell me why Monopoly brings out the absolute worst in people? Basically, getting in an argument over gun control is a more productive exercise.
This brings me to the main point, the game that I love is under fire and I would encourage people not to mess it up!
In a new upgrade of the popular board game, parent company Hasbro is replacing one recognizable Monopoly game piece with a new Monopoly token, and they’re letting the public decide which one. Voters can choose to save one of Monopoly’s seven iconic tokens: the battleship, the car, the Scottie dog, the top hat, the old shoe, the iron, the wheelbarrow, or the thimble. Additionally, the public will vote in one of five new tokens. The choice is between a robot, a helicopter, a guitar, a diamond ring, and a cat. I will admit the wheelbarrow needs to go. If you get that damn wheelbarrow that is basically the equivalent of getting the limp penis award…not something you want to be proud of. The wheelbarrow has no flash, no personality! The GD wheelbarrow is like the virgin game token that never gets invited to the party.
Here is my take on the new choices:
The Robot = a silly dated Jetson’s critter that will only get mocked and or humped by the Scottie dog.
The Helicopter = a Douche Bag mini-helicoptor that only a terrorist would ride in or could afford, is also just silly.
The Diamond = The diamond is ok, I guess;( I would still try to insert any of the old game pieces into the open loop to simulate the absolute retail pounding my opponents would take. Also, which self-respecting man can say “Ohhh, I want to be the Diamond!”?
The Cat = I am not to sure about the cat because lots of people hate cats and we already have one animal on the board.
The Guitar = clearly the best choice! Go ahead and make the guitar black and call it the Johnny Cash killing machine and I will be all in.
Optional game tokens Hasbro should consider: a hawk, a football helmet, a golden tampon, a beer can, a sock, a stripper pole, a pizza, Top Gun fighter jet, a taco, pair o Crocs, an I Phone, a Shark, and a set of Rolling Stone lips;)
What is your vote?