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The Walking Dead

December 23, 2012

091126mallzombies

I am not proud to admit this but I am pretty much a procrastinator when it comes to christmas shopping. I have tried to streamline my gift giving process, by shopping more online in the last several years. Sadly, I  always end up venturing into the local malls in an attempt to finish up….NO MAS!

Damn near everybody in the mall walks like a damn zombie these days….what the hell has happened to folks?  I cannot tell you how many people, I saw this weekend dragging their leg and slobbering on their clothes. These people dress like shit and often have no sense of personal body space.  These zombie bastards will knock shit over or leave stuff behind with reckless abandon. Occasionally these “walkers” will muster the strength to pick up their damn head to see whats in front of them. For a split second these walkers actually appear to be responsive and aware of their environment but the walkers return to blind nomadic roaming between isles. Many times this behavior is seen in a broken men. A broken man who is forced to wear tight holiday sweaters and hold his wifes 10 bags o shit for hours on end. Typically these broken man have glasses and low self-esteem to boot. All they really want is a merciful killing to make the shopping stop.

When this happens and it does happen. These broken men seek comfort gazing into their cell phones or people watching tactics. The problem is when you are constantly distracted, you have no clue where you’re going. This is where I tend to get pissed;) I pride myself on the ability to be quick and focused when battling the masses. I get in and get the hell out! I cannot do this with all these walkers moving at the speed of senior citizens having sex. I do it to myself, I know this! I still to this day cannot tell you why. So gentlemen take my warning on this Christmas Eve Eve…don’t go out there! The walkers are many in numbers and as the hours go by it will only get worse. Take my advice and by your gifts at gas stations. You can pick up some lottery scratch offs and save a shit ton o drama. That is The Word!

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