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Amish Mafia

December 6, 2012

Yes you did Jolin…Yes you did!

So Discovery Channel has a new show coming out December 12th for all you gangsters. The show is about a couple of  hard, pipe hittin MF’s who about to get medieval on yo ass…I am referring to The Amish Mafia. These buggy burning SOB’s are out for vigilante justice on any bastard that would attempt to steal this months supply of butter.  If you’re thinking that you will just roll up on the Amish and steal their stash of unshaven women, you better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self.

The series, which follows on the heels of sister network TLC’s top-rated (and  extremely controversial) “Breaking Amish,” centers around  tough-guy Levi and his henchmen Alvin, Jolin and John —who quietly enforce  justice and protect the Amish community in Lancaster, Pa., while church elders  look the other way and no one asks questions. I mean if your name is Alvin you basically got two choices in life. You can either sing Bon Jovi covers with a chipmunk voice or you can pop caps in rogue Billy goats that attempt to escape. Beware if you happen to be out committing sins against the church ole Levi will bust a cap in your dome and piss on your grave. We all know that the Amish don’t involve police in their day-to-day affairs, so somebody has to be the strong-arm! These guys operate outside the powers of the church. So essentially they are very much like those fucking South Africans from Lethal Weapon 2….”Diplomatic Immunity!” I don’t know about you but if I were Amish, I think I would roll up on these dudes! Who the hell is the Amish Mafia to tell a fellow member that he/she cannot sleep around? Where the hell do these guys get off driving cars while the others cart around in a horse and buggy? How come these bastards get smart phones and porn collections? While the others have to play with cow tittys and wagon wheels. I smell hypocrisy and beard clippings…That IS The Word!



From → On Tv

One Comment
  1. This cannot be real, Mike. It absolutely cannot be! This has got to be some tv exec who couldn’t think of anything else and decided that this untouched land of the Amish has got to have some pull.

    This has to be invented. It has to be.

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