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Hey Ashtray…take a damn shower!

December 2, 2012

Let me get that number 2 combo

So if you happen to be a smoker that tends to smell like a pickled asshole…this post will offend you! At the very least, this post may inspire you to invest in a Febreeze bottle or a hat that omits Axe body spray every 15 minutes.

I was getting lunch yesterday and the two dudes in front of me, just so happen to smell like an ashtray’s asshole. To smell like an ashtray’s asshole, one must first imagine that an ashtray has human body parts. Then consider that the ashtray just ran a 10K marathon and decided a great post race treat would be a large bowl of chili ice cream…that would about adequately describe the ashtray asshole stench I speak of. The funny part of the story is that even being 8 ft behind these dudes when placing my order, it was still way to close for comfort. My body’s initial response to the smell of these two dudes was sheer PANIC. The ashtray/smoke smell sent my body into a full-blown tailspin, attempting to purge the smell. It was kind of like when Goose died in Top Gun;) The clean air was essentially in a chemical warfare death match versus the ashtray smell. The gentlemen then turned around and gave me the stink eye, he must have been wondering what the hell had me so choked up. I assume, I was a little too honest in my reaction to the human smoke tandem before me. I then stumbled through my order and with eyes nearly watering, I faded away to a dark corner to wait on my food.

So to all the smokers out there, I don’t give a shit if you smoke. The only thing that I care about is that you follow the unwritten smoker laws.

  1. Don’t blown smoke in someone’s face.
  2. Always ask before smoking.
  3. Take a damn shower regularly.

Instead of buying a cartoon of unfiltered Camels, why not invest in some creative ways to smell good? Perhaps you could attach one of those little Air Wick genie bottles to a necklace and wear that;) Many smokers could possibly use those “Little Trees” you put in your car as earings. You could always go with a nice lotion or perfume! Let me tell you, anything is better than smelling like you just took a shower in gasoline and deer piss. So if you do smoke, please be diligent in your attempts to not smell like an ashtray’s asshole…That is The Word.


From → DR.Mike

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