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The Fat Man Is Looking Sharp

November 26, 2012

So I just stumbled across this tonight, apparently fat ass mannequins are making an appearance in a store near you very soon. You simply have to see this thing to appreciate the humor in it…it’s pretty ridiculous. These fat mannequins are rubbing some people the wrong way…are department stores making fun of fat people?

My answer is probably no more than the stick figure Barbie mannequin with impeccable tits. Or perhaps the 18 pack bald model man who stares me down when I walk into a men’s department store. You know the male mannequin with the 10 inch limp bulge? Oh yes that’s realistic! I am sure most guys have 18 pack abs and below the waist package that would rival any porn star. I would be remiss if I somehow forgot the amputee mannequin. These poor bastards always seem to lack an arm or a waist.  In some horrific cases these mannequins have no damn head, and if they have a head, they magically have chiseled check bones.

The “Fat Man”  apparently is a slightly Asian country boy, if that’s at all possible. From the looks of this picture, the bright lights of the department store also burn the fat man’s eyes…lol. The fat man also has very tiny hands and prefers the openness of the “wife beater” as opposed to the binding of the crew neck t-shirt. The openness is most likely needed for the moobs (moobs = male boobs) to air out on those sunny days. Sadly the fat man also gets the Beetle juice head treatment this go around. Most fat men must also tend to waste their remaining disposable income on designer boxers that retail for 30 bucks a pair. I mean you maybe a fat ass but ladies will still want to have sex with you if you have sexy undies;) Don’t fear fat man you were provided NFL style well-defined thighs and minimal body hair, so that’s a plus.

Listen…there are few people with what I would consider perfect bodies. The problem is that 95 percent of people all have trouble areas or areas they are not as confident about. That being said, you can be confident in yourself and not let the fat man win! If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, you can always attempt to make a change. We all know change is a bitch and working out  is not the funniest activity on the planet. If someone chooses an inactive lifestyle you kind of lose your pissed off card when it comes to department store mannequins. Mannequins are just a bunch of cartoonish representations of society. Mannequins don’t give a shit about your feelings or how you look in a size 0 dress. The fat man is not judging you…you are judging you. So give that fat bastard the finger and you decide how you wanna live and look…That Is The Word!



From → In The News

  1. I don’t get out enough. I’ve never seen a mannequin like that, and it ain’t pretty.

  2. Halarious! I’m certainly going to be on the lookout for “18-pack”‘s unhealthy cousin the next time I walk into The Gap.

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