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Worst Halloween Candy

October 31, 2012

Kids these days have it pretty damn good, especially at Halloween!! All the shitty Halloween candies of yesteryear have all but been eliminated from the aisles of Wal-mart and Target. The only place you can get a lot of the soon to be mentioned 3rd rate candy is at the dollar store. When I was kid, you did not come home with a pillow case of Snickers and Godiva choclates…oh no, you had some bad candy in the bag. Anyone besides me use a pillow case? Maybe you were one of those 1 percenters who had the custom candy bucket snapped like a jack-o-lantern;) I had the old school flashlight my friend(D-Batteries), not some bad ass LED strobe light like the kids today. So I hope tonight Top 10 will bring back some bad memories of the days gone by…lol. Please tell your kids not to fuss, times and candy have gotten better.

Top 5 Worst Halloween Candy(these names are not official just what I call them)

  1. 1.The Orange and Black Tar candy. Someone once told me they were caramel, but I really think this was the same shit they used back in the day to plug tires.


2. The Sixlets…this BB sleeve of nastiness was sadly all the rage back in the day




3. Double Bubble…This shit is only good for about 30 seconds after that it transforms into a puddy  worthy enough to be used to caulk a tile shower.



4. Dum-Dums…They are good but you really only get 1 minute of flavor and 1 good bite, so you need about 95 of these to really make an impact.



5. The Chocolate Coin…what sick twisted SOB gave these turd nuggets to kids?  Has anyone ever asked ” Can I please be paid in gold chocolate shit”.



Not So Honorable Mention:

The Pixie sticks: Pour this crap down your throat too fast and you’re gonna get choked up and its coming out your nose

Tootsie Rolls: Because your parents would always give you the Tootsie Roll Sleeve bank at Christmas time

Granola/Health stuff: Its Halloween people, no ones looking for healthy shit tonight

Box o’ Raisins: This is only acceptable if its covered in chocolate








From → What The Hell

  1. You know, I’ve never been much of a fan of candy corn and I remember some people used to hand it out like if they were tilling the land: just loose. I never ate the orange/black candies either. They looked really suspicious. I used to love the mini Cracker Jack boxes though. If I remember correctly, they never had little prizes. I’ve only had the gold chocolate coins when I got older and I thought to myself “what sort of a sorry excuse is this for chocolate?”

    There were also those gums that had a little comic strip inside. And Garbage Pail Kids! Do you remember those?

  2. Oh my gosh, I LOVE this post. I had almost entirely forgotten about that shitty black and orange candy. Dum-dums are awful. You’d have to put about 4 in your mouth at once to get any flavor. I respectfully disagree about the Tootsie Rolls though. Even though eating one feels like eating a cavity, I love still love ’em!

  3. My husband I were just talking about this. He said he used to bring grocery sacks home full of candy. I told him we used pillowcases. I didn’t enjoy Halloween as much as most people, because it was always freakin’ cold, raining, or snowing, and the candy was crap. And there were apples. Yes, I trick-or-treated before the days of razor blades.

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