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Mr. Slow Sipper

October 20, 2012

The only thing worse than watching my beloved Auburn Tigers get embarrassed yet again… was Mr. Slow Sipper. I had the mis-fortune of sitting next to a total d-bag today at the local watering hole. This dude was buying multiple mixed drinks and drinking them through the stirrer. Everybody knows that the little red straw is not in fact straw…it’s a damn stirrer!

The intent is not for you to slow sip your rum & Coke through the stirrer. They provide those with the intent that you will stir your mixed drink. Now, I don’t know why I let stuff like this bother me, it just does…lol.

I imagine the look of horror you would give me, if I was your waiter and you asked me for a straw. I then very casually sat a coffee stirrer on the table and yelled “Anybody else need a straw?” I would like to think most people would be pissed and then politely ask for a “big boy” straw.  If this were a woman she may get a pass, but a 45-year-old man wearing a hoodie on a 78 degree day is just silly. This dude need’s to grow a pair and man the hell up. Put your precious lips on the glass and drink it like a man. Only God knows how Mr Slow Sipper drinks shots. I can only imagine that Mr. Slow Sipper uses a rubber nipple and a portable salt pouch. Since I am bitching about random stuff, here are few others from today I feel need addressing!

  • To the people who love to pull their car 6 feet in the road, clearly in the line of traffic, then stop and look around with that confused look…That’s right your ass is in the road!!!! Maybe the oncoming cars swerving to avoid you like a walker from the Walking Dead gave it away.
  • People need to dress to fit the current weather, not the weather you are wishing for! If it’s 80 plus degrees outside, you have no business wearing a flannel shirt and a hoodie…you look like a dumbass! If it’s sunny without a cloud in the sky, leave your rain boots and Gortex body suit behind.
  • If you cannot walk and text…DON’T.
  • Ladies please learn to eat foods besides chicken fingers;) I am just concerned is all!

So Mr. Slow Sipper I hope this reaches you, and I hope that it will change you sir…That is The Word!


From → DR.Mike

  1. I’m on board with these, Mike. Stupid little stirrer guy. Rum & Coke sounds good. I’m heading for the liquor cabinet as soon as I hit post.

  2. Ha! I sometimes use the tiny straw, but I’m a woman! I think that means I’m allowed. Totally agree with your other complaints, too, especially about the driver that’s always pulled out in your way and then still doesn’t fucking pull out when you stop and wait for them.

  3. I kind of get annoyed with people who use the stirrer to drink their coffee with (I KNOW!). A couple of people I used to work with did that and they just said, “let us be trashy.”

    As for the dressing according to the weather, a friend who was visiting me in Mexico City got the opposite. Being that it is very conservative, clothing-wise, if men even spot you with shorts above the knees, you will get whistled at. No one wears shorts there, even in the absolute, most broiling days. My friend wore shorts that hit mid-thigh and got whistled at like she’s never gotten whistled at in all her life. And it just so happened, on that very same broiling day, we say a young woman wearing a black turtleneck.

    Yeah, some people….

    • It’s hard for a man to look all hard sipping a mixed drink through a straw the size of a toothpick;) folks down here are already sporting full winter gear and the high today was like 80! Maybe I will wear my snow boots and tropical shirt tomorrow and see if any one notices! Thanks for stopping by and always leaving the best comments Amiga:)

      • Ohohohohohoh! Take pics of your outfit! Better yet, if you go to the gym and pose in those clothes, people may notice! And then get on a machine and text them to people!

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