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These Birds Are Destroying America

September 7, 2012

We have a local park in town that I tend to frequent for evening runs and the occasional hostile bird take over…let me explain;) Our local news broke a bombshell report the other day that I am sure will garner national attention from the likes of  TMZ and Mitt Romney/Obama. Apparently, my local park has a bit of a geese problem, and the birds have become a full-blown hazard to patrons. The geese have staged a hostile take-over of the park using the usual tactics. These geese gather in large packs or “geese gangs” as they are known in raptor country and then methodically shit all over everything! These geese employ strange mind powers and manipulate victims into bringing them endless supplies of bread and other bird treats. These geese are now so content that they will not migrate from the park like all good geese do…OH NO these sons-a bitches are staying put!

So what do we do?????????

Alabama Parks and Recreation has called on Federal assistance to deal with these geese gangs. You hear me geese, we are not taking your shit anymore! The article did not go into specifics on the tactics that will be used to extract the geese.  I am sure that Alabama will use the latest technological advances in bird capturing tactics. So yes, they will most likely attempt to lure the geese in with bread and attempt to procure the birds into a container of sorts, most likely a large geese bucket.

So here is The Words Take on this…lol

  1. Stop feeding the birds so much damn bread! You know what happens when you give a meth addict a daily supply of meth? It’s hard to get the SOB’s to leave…oh it’s true.
  2. Stop bitching about bird poop. Birds shit just like people, grow up and see Rule #1.
  3. If you go to the park to exercise or play with your kids, try to enjoy yourself! People who complain about beautiful evenings, twenty something baby dolls running around in exercise attire, little kids smiling, and the smell of fresh bird shit…just cannot be made happy;)
  4. How bout we stop running off every type of animal on the planet. I am not saying let’s just have bobcats running free at the local nursing home. All I’m saying is who’s next? The robber squirrels? The disturbing the peace frogs? The slow/mind numbing turtles? Maybe we could just kill all the fish that pollute the pond with their fish poop!
  5. If all else fails we should just bring in the Federal “Eagle Strike Team” and teach these geese that you don’t shit in a man’s back yard. Even if that yard is free to the public, it’s not free to geese orgies and geese gangs. That is The Word!!!!

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From → Really? Really?

  1. Large geese bucket….sounds like something they should have on a KFC menu…..
    This year, on New Year’s Day, I was at the beach and ended up throwing some bread to a sea gull. Then another piece and then another. Pretty soon we had to run because we were getting shit on left and right and trying to look up while throwing the bread while the gulls flew over was not entirely smart.

    It was a pretty memorable New Years….

    • Best reply I have ever gotten! You should write about that on your blog;) Yeah they can be a menace but at the end of day we have to be the grown-ups…lol

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