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Tuna Sandwich Lady

March 19, 2012

This post is dedicated to all the people who eat loud ass tuna sandwiches at work. I know times are tough and many of us bring our lunch to work every day to save money.  That is all well and good…but use caution. I do not want to smell your tuna and pickle sandwich from across the office. Things like these loud ass salads that people will bring to work. “What is that? “Oh it’s a balsamic acid based dressing drenched in cat piss, covered on top of three sprigs o lettuce”. In other words it’s an orgy of strong smells, that could be used as a form of chemical warfare. Please eat what you like, but keep the smell to a minimum at all costs. Also stop burning the absolute hell out of the popcorn in the company break room. In these modern days, some people cannot stop burning the shit outta popcorn. What kills me, is they’re always surprised. “Oh this popcorn is burnt”, well no shit lady, you decided 6 minutes was the adequate preparation time.  They always then eat the burnt popcorn, sort of like a shamed ritual. These people will tell you it’s not that bad, and the corn tastes ok. Please be sure these people are lying their asses off.

Another note you should follow about your lunch bags at the office. You should never just bring gourmet foods to lunch everyday. Nothing is worse than having to listen to someone rant about the daily 5 course meal their wife prepares. The rest of America is eating sandwiches, not beef Wellington on a Tuesday night. You may notice if you’re one of these “Green Mushroom People” that has to one up everyone, you may not have any lunch friends. If you never played Mario, you do not know about the green mushroom;) The reason you do not have any lunch friends is because, you make me feel like shit about my lunch. So keep it semi-simple and shoot for the stars…That is the Word;)

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