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Redneck Christmas Lights

December 7, 2011

So as I drive around Alabama all I see are these redneck ass Christmas light displays. I don’t know who the hell these people are, but some people feel the need to just go bat shit crazy with the Christmas lights. First off you cannot put lights on a Pine tree, it just looks stupid. Oh look at the pretty tree with strands of lights dangling like a sack full of limp dongs…look kids isn’t it grand? If you ever notice it’s always these cats who don’t have the first light on in the trailer all year-long. At Christmas time they transform the crib into Fantasy In Lights display.  I personally believe if you have more than like three 10ft blow up critters in your yard, you may have problems my friend. Look I love Christmas, but if you are gonna attempt a Griswald’s light display, you need to come correct! Just mindlessly throwing a ton of lights on every damn thing does not impress me. I see no organization, some  lights look like a bad smurfs orgy.  People will line their damn roof with lights, like it’s a redneck landing strip for small crop dusters. Where the hell do you store 16 prancing deer in the offseason? Where does one stock pile 95 candy cane drive way lights and a life-size Nativity scene throughout the year? The funniest thing or maybe the saddest thing is the lone Christmas light. You will see these people, who have like one lonesome snowman out in the yard. Ole Frosty is like a lonesome soldier out in the elements, with no accompanying help. I also don’t like Christmas figures that move, to me it is just creepy for kids. Poor Santa just waves like  a damn zombie from the Walking Dead. Poor dude, sometimes the little pulleys start to wear and tear and ole Santa just looks like is giving out hand jobs. So put out your lights, enjoy the season but make it look classy…That is the word! Here is one of my favorite songs for all my redneck pals, yawll still good people;)


From → What The Hell

One Comment
  1. Kim permalink

    Nice. I love Bob Keen. Thanks for sharing the video.

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